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Shadows of Self Portland signing ()
#2 Copy

Questioner

Yesterday you said that crem was actually like Shard poop.

Brandon Sanderson

No, I was saying that it was more like that than what they were saying.

Questioner

It's not really poop?

Brandon Sanderson

No, its not.

Questioner

Dang it, I like poop jokes! Can you make it poop so i can have a poop joke.

Brandon Sanderson

Ok, for the next thirty seconds it is.

Barnes & Noble B-Fest 2016 ()
#4 Copy

Questioner

I heard that in one of your books two people from the actual 17th Shard got married as members of the 17th Shard in your book.

Brandon Sanderson

Yes, shes right there. That's Mi'chelle, she's a beta reader. She and her husband met at a signing at a Barnes & Noble of mine. So they met at one of my signings, and they eventually got engaged at my class in BYU so I put their wedding in a book.

Skyward San Francisco signing ()
#7 Copy

Questioner

Where do you lie on the "BrandoSando" versus "Branderson"?

Brandon Sanderson

I would probably go "Branderson", but I don't mind either of them.

Questioner

Because I'm firmly in the BrandoSando camp.

Brandon Sanderson

BrandoSando? What about "BrandySandy"? I get that one too... No one goes with the cool ones. "Oh, the Sandman". I'm not cool enough.

Skyward San Francisco signing ()
#9 Copy

Questioner

If you had to make any of your books into a musical?

Brandon Sanderson

Ooh. Well, since we already have a canonical version of The Hero of Ages as a musical in the Mistborn world, in one of the broadsheets, we would have to go with that, we would have to do the version in-world.

Questioner

I think Warbreaker would translate the best.

Brandon Sanderson

Yeah, that's probably true. If you want a real answer, that's probably true. It's probably the best.

Calamity release party ()
#10 Copy

Questioner 1

If could be an Epic, what would your Epic name be and what would your powers be?

Brandon Sanderson

Um, I'm not sure. Let's see... Epic name... Mr. Prolific. Right? That'd be a good name. *pause to sign and gets distracted* 

Questioner 2

What was your question? What was the answer to the High Epic? The question she asked?

Brandon Sanderson

Oh, oh, I was gonna-- My name was Mr. Prolific.

Questioner 2

Mister what?

Brandon Sanderson

Mr. Prolific.

Questioner 2

Mr. Prolific? *laughs*

Questioner 3

What was your power?

Brandon Sanderson

If I could choose I'd be able to fly. But I don't think you get to choose. So it's probably the ability to make books materialize out of thin air. *group laughs* And then use them as weapons.

Shadows of Self Portland signing ()
#11 Copy

Questioner (paraphrased)

I thought that three years ago you wanted to write a book with Tad Williams and have George R.R. Martin finish it. Is that still just a pipe dream?

Brandon Sanderson (paraphrased)

That's still a pipe dream

So the question is; I had this goofy idea one time, and I thought "what if I get this other famous fantasy writer and together the two of us wrote"... and we would write a book together, but it wouldn't be a Brandon Sanderson and, it would be a Brandon Sanderson versus where we each create a set of characters who have contrasting role, were against each other, and who would try to achieve this, um, they would both be on opposite sides and they would seduce each other's characters or murder each other's characters and thing like this and we would write it almost to the climax, and then we would go to George Martin and we would say "you have to adjudicate how we would write the ending" and so the cover would be like 'Brandon Sanderson vs. Pat Rothfuss with guest judge George R.R. Martin".

It is really just a pipe dream, especially when its a matter of 'when are we gonna do that', and it's really just a pipe dream. Maybe i'll make it happen, the trick is I'd have to find... like I cant do Pat because his fans would kill me for slowing him down. So it would have to be someone like Brent or Anya. Somebody who is a little faster, but I could totally see a 'Brandon Sanderson vs. Brent Weeks' right, you guys don't have to root for him cause he lives here. Yeah, something like that. We'll see if I can make it happen.

OdysseyCon 2016 ()
#14 Copy

Questioner

Riddle me this: Why did the Horneater couple stop after four kids?

Brandon Sanderson

*Playing along*

Alright, go for it.

Questioner

They didn't want to get heir-sick.

Everyone

*Laughs/groans*

Questioner

A Rioter, a Soother, and a Coinshot all go to buy a car.

The Soother goes up to the salesman and is like "hey can I buy a car" and the salesman goes "No, every time I sell to you people I always end up wanting to please you too much: I don't want to sell you the car, get out of here."

The Rioter walks up. He's like "hey, can I buy a car?" and the salesman goes "No, every time I try to sell to you folks I always end up wanting to try and *garbled* too much, get out of here."

The Coinshot walks up and the salesman goes "No you gotta *garbled* too, get out here." The Coinshot's like "what!? I can't mess with your emotions." The salesman goes "well yeah, but you guys are way too pushy."

Brandon Sanderson

Wow.

Shadows of Self Chicago signing ()
#16 Copy

Kendra

You have to congratulate whoever did the Soonie pup ad. Effective advertising: I want one!

Brandon Sanderson

Yes, lots of people have said this. It was not something we were intending to do. It would have to be more than just a little puppy, though. You'd have to be able to rip out its spikes and transform it or something. You can go get a stuffed puppy anywhere.

Kendra

But it's a stuffed TenSoon, so it's a stuffed Irish wolfhound. And you can find those in adult. You cannot find those in puppy.

Brandon Sanderson

That's true. I'll think about it.

You don't have to do the spikes.

Brandon Sanderson

I know, but people will want the spikes. They are gonna be like "If you're gonna provide me with a Soonie pup"-- You'd have to be able to take out the spikes and turn it into a blob, so it's a mistwraith on the inside and a Soonie pup on the outside.

Kendra

It'd have to be something like a backpack dog. Maybe the spikes are clasps on the outside or something.

Brandon Sanderson

Yeah.

The Great American Read: Other Worlds with Brandon Sanderson ()
#17 Copy

Questioner

Matrim Cauthon, Kelsier, and Vasher all decide they need to get together and run a heist on Hoid. How do they do it? Why? And what are they looking for? Assuming they know where his "hideout" is...

Brandon Sanderson

Mat has to be persuaded. He doesn't think this is worth it. Once he knows about Fortune, he'd be interested.

Kelsier wants to beat him to a pulp.

Vasher is very utilitarian about it, and agrees that having access to him would be smart, but dangerous.

White Sand vol.1 release party ()
#19 Copy

Questioner

Couldn't think of any [questions], but I would just like to say that I would like to punch Kelsier in the face now, so... *group laughs*

Brandon Sanderson

He usually deserves getting punched in the face. *group laughs* If you were to meet Kelsier on the street, you can guess he has something that he's done that makes him deserve to be punched that day. *group laughs*

Salt Lake City signing ()
#21 Copy

Questioner

Will we be seeing any more of stick?

Brandon Sanderson

Everybody loves stick, everybody is very fond of stick. I have no current plans for stick.

Questioner.

Spook?

Brandon Sanderson

You will find out more about Spook.

 

It is not impossible that you will see some sort of story involving Spook. After all I did a little short story about Kelsier for the role playing game. It's now on my website.

Calamity Seattle signing ()
#24 Copy

Questioner

What would happen if the King’s Wit, Wayne, and Mat Cauthon from these last three Wheel of Time books went into a room and locked it?

Brandon Sanderson

I think they’d all like each other. And they'd try to one-up each other, it’d be an epic thing.

Words of Radiance Chicago signing ()
#25 Copy

Brandon Sanderson

Now, I will say there is one thing I've been wanting to do for a long time that will probably never happen so don't get too excited. But I had this awesome idea once, and these come to me, where I would write a book with Pat Rothfuss where *audience gets too excited*-- wait, wait, you've gotta hear this pitch - where we both have a set of characters who're competing for misaligned goals, like one wants to save somebody and one wants to assassinate somebody-- they've cross purposes. And we write them, and exchange chapters, and have try to assassinate each other and fiddle with each other's plots. And we get it to, like, 80% of the way done and then we send it to George Martin, and we say "read this and decide the ending and then we'll write it *audience laughter and applause*. And so the reason I want to this is so we can write on the cover, it's not "Brandon Sanderson and Pat Rothfuss", it's "Brandon Sanderson vs. Pat Rothfuss". And see who wins at the end if we can convince George not to kill all of our characters. It's never going to happen, but wouldn't that be fun?

DragonCon 2019 ()
#28 Copy

Questioner

Do you think Roshar will invent waffle technology?

Brandon Sanderson

Waffle technology, I think they will... definitely. There may be a little work left to go.

Questioner

Will it be in Lift's time?

Brandon Sanderson

*laughs* Yes, probably Lift's time. Yes, she would enjoy some waffles.

Barnes and Noble Book Club Q&A ()
#31 Copy

little_wilson

If the gang from Writing Excuses were put in a horror film, obviously Dan would be the killer. But what order do you think everyone would die in? And how would they die? (The victim list includes: you, Howard, Jordan, Pemberly, Stacy, and Peter.)

Brandon Sanderson

Ha! Well, let's see. If Dan were the killer, I think he'd try to take out Howard first, since Howard is obviously the most dangerous of us all. Though he sees me more often, so he might try to get to me first. I'd put it in this order:

HowardMeJordoPeterPemberly (he'd leave the women for last because he's a very gentlemanly killer.)

And then Stacy would take Dan down in a surprise ending. She'd edit him out of the script or something.

Warsaw signing ()
#33 Copy

Questioner

What are we going to do when you retire?

Brandon Sanderson

Retire? RETIRE?! I would never! I will stop writing when they find me dead in my office and my face is on the keyboard and I type the word "k" seven thousand times.

Emerald City Comic Con 2018 ()
#34 Copy

Questioner

So I wanted to ask how Count Dooku was?

Brandon Sanderson

Count Dooku has passed on to the Beyond for plants.  I know, I know. Count Dooku-- The funny thing is, this isn't even a picture of Count Dooku. The joke with Count Dooku was Count Dooku was actually not a potted plant-- he was a plant that lived in a glass sphere, with just the roots into the water. Now that was a joke when, you know, Alcatraz put the joke about the potted plant in there--was given to me by a friend of mine. But Count Dooku has since moved on to the great Beyond for plants. So we had to use a different picture. We didn't have an actual picture.

Arcanum Unbounded Hoboken signing ()
#38 Copy

Mason Wheeler (paraphrased)

What do you call it when a Faceless Immortal says two things that can't both be true?

Brandon Sanderson (paraphrased)

Uhh... I dunno. What?

Mason Wheeler (paraphrased)

A kandra-diction.

Brandon Sanderson (paraphrased)

*grinning* Oh yeah? Well, how do you know, when a Radiant shows up at your holiday party, that he'll be well-dressed?

Mason Wheeler (paraphrased)

Umm... no idea.

Brandon Sanderson (paraphrased)

Because he's in-vest-ed.

Skyward San Francisco signing ()
#40 Copy

Questioner

I've heard this theory passed around, and I just want to see if you'll confirm it or not. Are you actually a bunch of tiny writers in a coat, or--

Brandon Sanderson

No, no, no, I'm a bunch of robots programmed to create books. The "tiny writers" one is completely false.